so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This gyro tastes like lonliness
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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