Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
