you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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