the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize