we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
