To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
