Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
