i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
