This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
