why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
