i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
