i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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