You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
