I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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