We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
