bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
