3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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