I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
