If that was your dad, he is hot
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my liver is dry heaving
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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