You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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