loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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