these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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