How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize