My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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