I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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