The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sext me about skeletons
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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