Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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