I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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