remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
