i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
