I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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