I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
