You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
