Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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