Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
