Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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