i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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