Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
