I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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