i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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