Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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