fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
