Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
