i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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