i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize