i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
