i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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