I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
