im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
