allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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