I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
