he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
