Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Randomize
