I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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