i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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