love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize