Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
