Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
