A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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