the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
