Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
