I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
