All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
