Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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