i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
